A Bad Start
The first time a chose a career, I was about to graduate from High School. I was thinking about what I wanted to do after graduation, and this was my thought process: “I need to find a job that makes good money, but doesn’t require me to think very hard, because I’m stupid.” I chose to be a diesel mechanic, not having any clue what I was getting myself into. I figured that a job where you got that dirty, you couldn’t possibly have to be all that smart… Self imposed stupidity (read “self believed”) is really potent, it turns out.
I never once thought about what I wanted to do. I just convinced myself that this was good enough and that it suited me.
It wasn’t until I had already been to tech school and started a job as an apprentice diesel mechanic that someone asked me what I actually wanted to do for work. I had NO clue; not even the foggiest idea. I realized that this lack of knowledge about my own desires was a red flag in my relationship with myself. But I also recognized that divorce wasn’t really an option. So I got to work fixing myself, like any good spouse would.
Seeking the Golden Thread
I was advised to look back on my life and see what kinds of things came naturally to me. Did I find myself in similar situations often, using a particular skillset? What did I love as a kid, and what did I want to be way back then?
As I started plucking at the golden (or at least golden colored) threads in the tapestry of my life, I tried really hard to feel which one pulled at the deepest part of me. What I discovered was surprising to me, and would require a 180 degree flip from my current heading. I’m not much of an acrobat, so the flip was really awkward and painful, but after much failing and lopsided dare-devilry, I wound up pointing in the right direction.
Gaining momentum in that direction was another matter.
Orchids, or Succulents?
I can be really committed to my mistakes. More so, I sometimes think, than to my successes. So I more or less lived life as I had been, not really believing that I could make the changes necessary so late in life. I was 20 after all. But I gave ‘er the good ole college try, and bought a Life Coaching certificate for something like $180. I learned nothing from that course, but I thought “Hey, I’ve given something to this little dream of mine, it should grow into a beautiful plant now.”
Dreams are a lot more like orchids than succulents in terms of how much care and attention they need. I had that backwards starting out, and I just about starved my poor little dream-plant before it even grew roots. But then my unit in the National Guard got called up to deploy to Jordan, where I sat in a white room for nearly a year and had nothing to do but think about my life and where I was going. And do pushups.
The Creation of a Life Vision
I created a very detailed vision for my life. What it would look like if nothing was standing in my way; if I got everything I wanted. Not everything I pretended to want, but really wanted. And lo’ and behold, this Life Coaching thing was in it. So I decided to finally commit to it and start assembling the pieces of this life vision.
Just the choice to start seriously pursuing a life I wanted had such an enormous impact on my…well, life. Going from living a life I was trying to force myself into, to building one that fit me, had a much more drastic impact on my mental health that I imagined it would. Shocking, eh? It was like taking off the suit I wore to prom, many many pies ago, and exchanging it for a tailored suit, that made me look and feel like none of those pies ever happened.
Aweigh Anchor!
You can make this kind of change too. If you’re carrying around the weight of a life full of other peoples expectations and your default decisions, then full speed ahead and drop that anchor off the side of your ship. Watch how fast she spins aft then. And once your bow is pointing to your true North, you’d be surprised how fast the winds of fate suddenly switch from trying to capsize you, to filling your sails and pulling you along the way.