Tag Archives: anxiety

The Might and Majesty of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

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Why Mindfulness

A mindfulness practice is one of the most beneficial things that someone could develop in their lives. In my own experience it has been an excellent foundation upon which I have been able to build many other skill related to self mastery. Introspection, combating anxiety and depression, and controlling volatile emotions such as anger and envy, to name a few. It is also good in and of itself. It brings more enjoyment to the little things in life. If you struggle to “smell the roses” along the way, a mindfulness practice will help with that too.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the art of being fully present in the present moment. The ability to notice everything going on around and within you without passing judgment on it. I think many people associate mindfulness with sitting and meditating, and that is definitely one way to do it, and probably the method I would recommend for someone to start practicing, but the important thing about a mindfulness practice, and what makes it so powerful and useful, is that it can be done anywhere at anytime, no matter the situation.

For a deep dive into mindfulness as it relates to positive psychology, take a look at this in depth article by positivepsychology.com

How to Do It

If you have never practiced mindfulness, I suggest dedicating between 5 and 10 minutes to sit and practice every day until until you can make it a whole 10 minutes comfortably. In my own experience, I find that it is extremely easy to lose track of time. I recommend that you set a timer with a pleasant sound to let you know when your time is up. For your first few times, try this method.

  • Sit comfortably with your eyes closed in a quiet room by yourself
  • Breath in slowly and comfortably through your nose, and out through your mouth, lips slightly pursed
  • Follow your breath as it enters your nose, feel it on the inside of nostrils, as it hits the back of your, as it travels down your into your lungs
  • Feel your lungs expanding, and imagine your breath filling your with life
  • Now follow your breath back out your mouth
  • Imagine that your are expelling stagnant air that has been replaced with fresh life giving air
  • Keep this up for 10 breaths or so
  • Now start to expand your attention to your experiences
  • How are you feeling? Then acknowledge those feeling, without judging them as good or bad
  • Now pay attention to the parts of your body that are in contact with the ground and/or your chair, notice the weight distribution, how they feel, and try to release any tension in these areas
  • Feel the air on your skin. Even in a still, quiet room, the air is always moving no matter how gently. Try to feel that movement.
  • Start listening. First pay attention to sounds in the room, then outside the room, then outside the house and as far as you can hear. Once you’ve noticed as much sound as you can, try to listen to each of those sounds at the same time. Don’t try too hard though, you’re simply trying to expand your awareness and ground yourself in the present moment. If you get distracted or irritated, just go back to your breath, follow it in and out again.
  • Eventually, try to hear everything, feel everything, and notice your feelings with equal attention. Even if you can just achieve that for a fraction of a second, then go back to your breath. The goal is to try to maintain that attention for as long as possible, but without undue stress. If its stressing you, or frustrating you, then just go back to your breath.

Remember that the act of practicing is the success. How far you get, and how long you can maintain your attention is all secondary.

The “Monkey Mind”

The biggest struggle that you are likely to encounter is taming the “monkey mind”. The monkey mind refers to an undisciplined mind whose thoughts run rampant and unchecked, causing distractions and making mindfulness difficult. This is where everyone starts, so don’t get discouraged if you just cannot calm down your mind. Just stop, smile, and try again later! Ideally, we could sit and focus only on what we are experiencing in the exact moment we exist in. Our minds, however, are easily distracted, and the modern world we live in is literally designed to keep us focused on something new every second.

Effort is the Enemy

So what happens when we try to simply exist in the present moment and not think about anything but our current experience? Our mind thinks about the past, worries about the future, tries to problem solve, or just daydreams. That is why, the fundamental rule for mindfulness meditation is to focus on our breath. If thoughts get overwhelming and a simple acknowledgment doesn’t calm them down, focus back on your breath. If it gets too frustrating, simply call it for the day and try again tomorrow! Effort is the enemy of meditation. Don’t force anything.

Casual Mindfulness Everyday

As you get better at your mindfulness practice, you will be able to do it while working, while having a conversation, driving to work or being stuck in traffic or anytime where you need to ground yourself and get control of your thoughts and emotions. For instance, something happens that makes you angry. Before you react, acknowledge the feeling and let it pass. Realize that you exist beyond your feelings, and that the action that caused your emotional reaction is already in the past, and the present moment is a whole new experience. Most of human experience is reactionary, but a mindfulness practice helps you master yourself and make deliberate choices, instead of simply being a slave to your gut reaction.

Go forth, and be present!

Achieve Real Happiness and Avoid its Evil Twin: Toxic Optimism

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Everyone Wants to be Happy

Most people spend their whole lives trying to achieve real happiness, and yet very few experience it overall in their lives. In fact, in many cases the people who chase happiness the hardest experience the most depression. We also live at a time in history where quality of life is at its peak, and more time and energy can be dedicated to being happy. Yet, in spite of all this, anxiety and depression plague an extreme amount of people. Why?

Happiness is Subjective

Happiness is subjective; by that I mean that the equation for happiness is different for everyone, and sometimes drastically so. But with the advent of the internet, and social media in particular, everywhere they look people are being told what will make them happy. A lot of money and research goes into convincing the general population that their happiness can be attained simply by buying, doing or believing x, y, and/or z. The truth of the matter is that no one can tell another person what they need to do to achieve real happiness. Doing so can deal a savage blow to a persons trust and belief in the possibility of achieving happiness. This is why the sages, shamans, and “wise men” of the past, taught their families and tribes to look inside themselves for their own unique “happiness equation”.

That being said, there are some specific variables in a happiness equation that are going to be the same for everyone. There are also methods for discovering your own happiness equation that have stood the test of time, but have been discarded in favor of lazier, more convenient promises of happiness.

Difficult, But Worth it

Making yourself a happy person is not a walk in the park! It requires you to be introspective, and brutally honest with yourself; It requires you to cut ties with things that feel good but ultimately prevent happiness long term. I know that sounds like a lot, but don’t worry! The journey itself is full of amazing experiences and chances for happiness. And lets face it, we will spend our entire lives becoming the fullest versions of ourselves, so no rush. Just take it one step at a time.

Toxic Optimism

Before I get into a few specific steps for starting your journey toward happiness, I want to offer a warning about Toxic Optimism. Toxic Optimism is a death trap for anyone seeking to achieve real happiness, but unfortunately, it is strongly encouraged by society. The idea here is that you can be happy by only thinking happy thoughts, and repressing or refusing to feel any emotion that seems to appose happiness. Many people even go so far as to call those other emotions “bad”! I’m sure that most people have heard of the “hack” that if you force yourself to smile, even if you feel unhappy, that you will feel happier.

While there is something to be said for this helpful exercise, it is not a standalone remedy for the blues. Especially if those “blues” are chronic like they are for a lot of people. If you think happy thoughts and ignore, temporarily, your negative emotions, you can give yourself a short term fix. This but is not a sustainable way to live though, and it does not bring you any closer to true happiness. In fact, it pushes you further away if it is depended upon too much. It is exhausting and eventually all those neglected, orphaned emotions come knocking on your door demanding attention. They don’t just disappear. This causes chronic stress and inflammation and leads to a host of physical, mental and emotional problems.

In order to be a happy, healthy, functioning human, you need to have complete access to your full range of emotions, and know how to interpret and use them. They are important, and the key to real, lasting happiness.

So, what is real happiness, and how does one become truly happy?

What is happiness

Happiness is what happens when you achieve harmony between yourself and your emotions and circumstances. When you are at peace with yourself, your emotions and circumstances, then you will be happy. I mean “circumstances” in a broad sense; they could include your relationships, career, living situation or anything outside of yourself that you have either no control, or limited control of.

Keep going forward!

People are at their happiest when they are performing well and improving. Nobody is happy when they are stagnant or lethargic or living at a quality of life that they know is less than they could achieve. But here’s the thing: you become happier by just moving forward toward your best life. You don’t have to be at your best life to be happy. If that were the case then no one would ever be happy, because as you improve yourself and your circumstances, your potential increases! It really pays to have a crystal clear life vision to give you a specific direction to go forward in.

A great amount of introspection and self reflection is required to be happy. Its a lot of work to reconcile all your emotions, be at peace with yourself, and learn to allow your circumstances to be what they will and only concern yourself with the limited amount you can control! I highly recommend that you find a coach or a mentor who can guide you through this process. Without guidance, introspection can have the opposite effect. Here are some things to get you started on your happiness journey.

Try these tips

  • Develop a mindfulness practice
  • Develop a life vision and move toward it
  • Work on your health and fitness
  • Make friends with your real emotions and learn how to interpret them
  • Become comfortable in your own, uninterrupted company
  • Develop a few close relationships with members of your own sex.
  • Stop judging yourself and start understanding yourself.

Best of luck!

These are not the only variables in your equation for happiness, but they are a great place to start. The rest is up to you! Dig deep, find out what you need to be happy and become the person you were meant to be!