introspection Archives - Caleb Rohr Life Coaching

Stree: Public Enemy No. 1

These days, stress seems to have attained the special honor of being named society’s Public Enemy Number One. It causes unhealthy weight gain, high blood pressure, prevents the body from repairing and regenerating, prevents a good night sleep, and has other negative effects besides. For many people, life has ended up being a story with two possible outcomes: either they find a way to live a stress free life and end up happy, or they don’t and never get a chance to enjoy their lives. But what if I told you that stress plays an important, even vital, role in helping you live your fullest life?

Stress, Yes…But What Kind?

This has been a subject of much scrutiny in the scientific world. Psychologists, physiologists and athletes have all done vast amounts of research on stress and how it effects people, how to cope with it, and how it can be used to our benefit. One of the important things to understand here is that there is more than one kind. Some do more harm than good, but you are ultimately in charge of whether or not something is going to benefit you. What I want to do here is give you the knowledge that you need in order to make stress of any kind work for you.

“Good Stress”

Lets start with eustress. Eustress is what you experience from an exciting situation, that puts spark in your life and makes you feel good and alive. Roller coaster rides, scary movies, adventures and things of that nature are examples of eustress. Its easy to see how this kind of stress is beneficial, so make the most of it when you can.

Acute Stress

Acute stress is another kind of stress that is experienced naturally throughout life. This kind is a reaction to a surprise that needs a quick response. For instance, someone jumps out and scares you and you either punch them, freeze, or run for your life. It is one of the least damaging types which is good because we encounter it regularly. It occurs when you encounter a perceived threat, either physical, emotional or psychological. Under normal circumstances, once the “threat” is dealt with, the stress response goes away and everything resolves itself in your mind and body.

“Bad Stress”

Chronic Stress is where it gets juicy. This is the kind that causes the weight gain, the insomnia, the weakened immune system, physical pain, and mental exhaustion. Chronic stress, as the name suggests, is a state of constant stress. Repeatedly facing stressors that seem inescapable or unchangeable is what causes this. Having a job that you hate, or a home life that drains you are examples of chronic stressors. This is probably the most damaging kind of stress.

Hormesis

Hormesis is most closely associated with exercise. This is what occurs when you put stress on your body and it responds by becoming more resilient. This is the kingpin to the point I want to make here. A hormesis like response can take place with any of the above mentioned stressors. Your mind and body can adapt and overcome the stressors they encounter. In fact, it WILL adapt, and develop its own ways of coping with whatever stress it is facing.

Unlike with hormesis, however, the adaptation may not produce resilience unless you step in and choose what kinds of coping mechanisms and defenses to put in place. Your mind and body, on their own, will tend to choose the path of least resistance, and that may not be the most beneficial path. For instance, with chronic stress you may end up with a drinking habit, or abusing your family and friends in a subconscious effort to deflect and numb yourself to the stress you are encountering. That’s part of the power of self mastery. Not only can you choose healthier coping mechanisms, you can choose ones that actually make your stronger and more resilient.

A Warrior in a Garden

So…wouldn’t it still be better to eradicate stress from my life entirely, instead of learning how to work around it? My argument would be “no”. You can never create a life that is completely stress free because there will always be circumstances that you cannot control, and they vastly outnumber the ones you can control. In order to live your fullest life, you have to get good at managing stress, and not only that, but turn it into a springboard that will launch you into success and fulfillment. Better to become someone who uses stress to become strong than merely learn to manage it, let alone just hope that you can turn your life into a stress-less one. “It is better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.”

Make Stress an Asset

Alrighty, brass tacks. How can you make stress an asset? First, understand that humans really only grow and develop through adversity. Stop thinking of everything that is giving you a hard time as being “bad”. Every time you feel stressed out, it is an opportunity to practice self mastery, and get to know yourself better. Take an objective look at what’s going on, and simply accept it. It’s not bad, it just is. Use the mindfulness techniques that you’ve hopefully been practicing. Maybe do a little introspection. Every chance you get to know yourself better is gold. Here is a good Health Line article about the benefits of stress. Multiple views are always good!

“Search Your Feelings”

Second, know that stress is an indicator. It’s there for a reason. Pay attention to your feelings and emotions and figure out exactly what they are telling you. What exactly is stressing you? Why is it stressing you? What are you going to do about it? You don’t have to sit there and take the punches; you can fight back, or step out of the ring, or whatever you want to do. It’s your life, and you don’t need to be hemmed in by the imaginary fences that people tell you you need to be hemmed in by.

Take Action

Start brainstorming and strategizing; talk to the people in your life who are key individuals in the circumstances that are stressing you. Your boss if work is stressing you, or your spouse if it’s your home life. If you aren’t hearing it yet…take action. Get a life coach to help you get things sorted and start moving toward a more fulfilling life. You can even drop me a note here or on social media and I can be that coach for you.

Don’t be Hatin’

Every time you experience chronic stress, you’ve been given a chance to upgrade your life. It may not be easy, and it may require sacrifice, but you can effect changes that will make you stronger and your life more fulfilling. Don’t hate the stress, and don’t fear it…use it.

The Journey Inward

Ah, introspection; the journey inward. A quest whose ending promises the fountain of youth, but whose path is beset with terrors and misery beyond imagining. While on my own journey inward, I’ve always been amused and confused by the fact that even in the privacy of my own thoughts, free from the judgments of anyone else, I am sometimes too scared to be honest with myself. What makes that even more frustrating, is that the truth that I am trying to face is actually hidden from myself, within myself. Explain that one, right?

What is Introspection?

So, maybe you’ve never really been introduced to the concept of introspection. Well, allow me the honor! Introspection is the art of looking inward and observing your own thoughts, emotions, desires, and intentions and understanding why they are there, without judging what you find. It is the art of knowing yourself, and being comfortable alone in your own company. In my opinion, this is one of the greatest skills to develop. Unfortunately, it is also one of the more difficult skills to develop, because of the amount of patience and humility it requires.

Why be introspective?

Why might you want to learn to master introspection? First and foremost, introspection is how you build a healthy, honest relationship with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the foundation upon which you must build the rest of your life! Everything depends upon it. So many people have horrible relationships with themselves. People hate themselves, fear themselves, or don’t even have a clue who they really are. Introspection is how you fix that, get to know yourself for who you really are, and learn to love and accept that person.

As you get to know yourself better, you also become more familiar with the inner workings of everyone else. It might come as a bit of a surprise, but as different as everyone is from everyone else, they are also incredibly similar; maybe more similar than they are different. As you begin to understand why you do and say certain things, or how and why something makes you feel a certain way, you will find yourself able to predict and understand the reactions of other people as well. This can be used to help people or hurt them, and that is ultimately up to you.

Another great reason to be introspective is that self knowledge leads to self mastery. Instead of running on auto pilot and reacting automatically to your world, you can choose your reactions. For instance, even though you just got cut off in traffic, and it truly was the other guys fault and you have every reason to be angry, you don’t need to be. It is now just an event that you can observe almost from a third person perspective, and choose how you react to it.

Take Responsibility

Being yelled at by your wife, husband, boss or parents is now just an event, and you alone are the one in charge of how you respond to it. Now, the drawback here is that if you are the type of person who uses their circumstances as an excuse for bad behavior, you no longer have that leg to stand on, and you become completely responsible for all of your actions, thoughts and feelings. That’s where the humility comes in.

Self mastery through introspection can make an incredible impact on your relationships too. As you learn about yourself you will start to see your bad behaviors, nasty habits, and selfish ways more clearly. A blessing and a curse to be sure, because as painful and unpleasant as it is to be faced with those aspects of yourself, it also gives you the opportunity to change and become better, and right wrongs that have been done. That’s where the patience comes in, because you will fail over and over again on your way. Don’t give up! Failure is not the end, it is only one more milepost on the road to where you want to be.

Be mindful

Getting to know yourself well, and not judging yourself are two different things. That is why I highly recommend a guide to help you through this process. Having a trusted friend who you can be open and vulnerable with, who will be honest with you, and can see you from an unbiased perspective will help tremendously. It is important not to get lost in your dark side and become despairing. A good thing to do is be mindful and to take a step back; just observe yourself, your emotions, and thoughts. And accept everything you see. No matter how vile it is, it is neither good nor bad, just information. Your job, once you see it, is to find out why it’s there, not attack yourself over it.

Now that you know a little about introspection, what it can do for you, and some of what to watch out for, how to begin?

Tips and Tricks

Begin a mindfulness meditation practice. Taming the “monkey mind” is exceptionally helpful when it comes to observing without judging. The “monkey mind” is a Chinese phrase that refers to the restless, overexcited mind whose thoughts keep coming unbidden and uncontrollable.
Pay close attention when you react strongly to something either positively or negatively, and get used to asking yourself why you’re initial reaction is whatever it is.
Start journaling. Writing down your feelings and thoughts about events that happened throughout the day and exploring your reactions is very revealing and helpful. Chase the “why”. Something happens and you feel happy. Why? Because of “a”. Why does “a” cause that feeling? Keep up this self interrogation until it bottoms out. You can also use this to examine the past and glean insights from events that are already come and gone. It can be a bit harder, but it also is great practice in learning to master your emotions.
Start taking responsibility for your emotions and responses to things. Really come to grips with the fact that you are completely, one hundred percent in control of your reactions, and that nothing and no one can make you feel or respond a certain way.

As a Man Thinketh

A book that I read that I highly recommend to everyone is called “As a Man Thinketh” by James Allen. It’s one of the few books that I have read multiple times. It focuses on your thoughts and how they shape your life. Excellent for anyone looking to get started on their introspection journey.

You got this!

Do not fear your inner self! They alone hold the keys to freedom and happiness for you. It is time to dig deep and get to “know thyself”, so that you can become the fullest version of you. Get on it!

Tag Archives: introspection

Stress: A Second Look at Public Enemy Number One