life vision Archives - Caleb Rohr Life Coaching

Stree: Public Enemy No. 1

These days, stress seems to have attained the special honor of being named society’s Public Enemy Number One. It causes unhealthy weight gain, high blood pressure, prevents the body from repairing and regenerating, prevents a good night sleep, and has other negative effects besides. For many people, life has ended up being a story with two possible outcomes: either they find a way to live a stress free life and end up happy, or they don’t and never get a chance to enjoy their lives. But what if I told you that stress plays an important, even vital, role in helping you live your fullest life?

Stress, Yes…But What Kind?

This has been a subject of much scrutiny in the scientific world. Psychologists, physiologists and athletes have all done vast amounts of research on stress and how it effects people, how to cope with it, and how it can be used to our benefit. One of the important things to understand here is that there is more than one kind. Some do more harm than good, but you are ultimately in charge of whether or not something is going to benefit you. What I want to do here is give you the knowledge that you need in order to make stress of any kind work for you.

“Good Stress”

Lets start with eustress. Eustress is what you experience from an exciting situation, that puts spark in your life and makes you feel good and alive. Roller coaster rides, scary movies, adventures and things of that nature are examples of eustress. Its easy to see how this kind of stress is beneficial, so make the most of it when you can.

Acute Stress

Acute stress is another kind of stress that is experienced naturally throughout life. This kind is a reaction to a surprise that needs a quick response. For instance, someone jumps out and scares you and you either punch them, freeze, or run for your life. It is one of the least damaging types which is good because we encounter it regularly. It occurs when you encounter a perceived threat, either physical, emotional or psychological. Under normal circumstances, once the “threat” is dealt with, the stress response goes away and everything resolves itself in your mind and body.

“Bad Stress”

Chronic Stress is where it gets juicy. This is the kind that causes the weight gain, the insomnia, the weakened immune system, physical pain, and mental exhaustion. Chronic stress, as the name suggests, is a state of constant stress. Repeatedly facing stressors that seem inescapable or unchangeable is what causes this. Having a job that you hate, or a home life that drains you are examples of chronic stressors. This is probably the most damaging kind of stress.

Hormesis

Hormesis is most closely associated with exercise. This is what occurs when you put stress on your body and it responds by becoming more resilient. This is the kingpin to the point I want to make here. A hormesis like response can take place with any of the above mentioned stressors. Your mind and body can adapt and overcome the stressors they encounter. In fact, it WILL adapt, and develop its own ways of coping with whatever stress it is facing.

Unlike with hormesis, however, the adaptation may not produce resilience unless you step in and choose what kinds of coping mechanisms and defenses to put in place. Your mind and body, on their own, will tend to choose the path of least resistance, and that may not be the most beneficial path. For instance, with chronic stress you may end up with a drinking habit, or abusing your family and friends in a subconscious effort to deflect and numb yourself to the stress you are encountering. That’s part of the power of self mastery. Not only can you choose healthier coping mechanisms, you can choose ones that actually make your stronger and more resilient.

A Warrior in a Garden

So…wouldn’t it still be better to eradicate stress from my life entirely, instead of learning how to work around it? My argument would be “no”. You can never create a life that is completely stress free because there will always be circumstances that you cannot control, and they vastly outnumber the ones you can control. In order to live your fullest life, you have to get good at managing stress, and not only that, but turn it into a springboard that will launch you into success and fulfillment. Better to become someone who uses stress to become strong than merely learn to manage it, let alone just hope that you can turn your life into a stress-less one. “It is better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.”

Make Stress an Asset

Alrighty, brass tacks. How can you make stress an asset? First, understand that humans really only grow and develop through adversity. Stop thinking of everything that is giving you a hard time as being “bad”. Every time you feel stressed out, it is an opportunity to practice self mastery, and get to know yourself better. Take an objective look at what’s going on, and simply accept it. It’s not bad, it just is. Use the mindfulness techniques that you’ve hopefully been practicing. Maybe do a little introspection. Every chance you get to know yourself better is gold. Here is a good Health Line article about the benefits of stress. Multiple views are always good!

“Search Your Feelings”

Second, know that stress is an indicator. It’s there for a reason. Pay attention to your feelings and emotions and figure out exactly what they are telling you. What exactly is stressing you? Why is it stressing you? What are you going to do about it? You don’t have to sit there and take the punches; you can fight back, or step out of the ring, or whatever you want to do. It’s your life, and you don’t need to be hemmed in by the imaginary fences that people tell you you need to be hemmed in by.

Take Action

Start brainstorming and strategizing; talk to the people in your life who are key individuals in the circumstances that are stressing you. Your boss if work is stressing you, or your spouse if it’s your home life. If you aren’t hearing it yet…take action. Get a life coach to help you get things sorted and start moving toward a more fulfilling life. You can even drop me a note here or on social media and I can be that coach for you.

Don’t be Hatin’

Every time you experience chronic stress, you’ve been given a chance to upgrade your life. It may not be easy, and it may require sacrifice, but you can effect changes that will make you stronger and your life more fulfilling. Don’t hate the stress, and don’t fear it…use it.

Life Changing

Do you struggle with staying motivated, keeping on track, and remembering why you are doing what you are doing? Maybe you have been feeling like there’s got to be more to life, but you don’t know where to find it. Or perhaps you’re just confused and frustrated with your present situation, and need a road map out. I’ve been there, I was there for a long time, and creating a Life Vision is what got me away from those feeling and struggles. It can do the same for you!

What is a Life Vision?

A life vision is your own personal vision for what you want your life to be like. It is extremely detailed and specific and it is something that must be written down so that you can review it regularly. You cannot be too specific with it. The more details you add when creating a life vision, the more excited and emotionally invested you are and the more influential it will be. Keep in mind that as you develop yourself and learn new things, your values, principles and desires will change. Make sure that you keep your life vision up to date as these changes occur.

How Does a Life Vision Help Me?

Creating a Life Vision is incredibly useful, because it acts as a sort of mental map that you can pull out and look at when you’re not sure which way to go. For instance, if you know exactly where you want to be in life, then it becomes much easier to stay focused and not get run off course by daily distractions or by the fog of time. It’s also extremely helpful in making big decisions like career moves, living situations, big purchases, marriage, kids, going to school and for what, etc…

Life Vision with a Relationship

If you are married or in a relationship, I definitely suggest that you and your partner both do this separately, and then compare notes. Your life visions will not be the same, and you will both have to make some compromises in order for you both to have a fulfilling life vision together. The difference in your life visions does not mean that you are not compatible or that you need to break up! It simply means that you need to work together to create a life vision that works for both of you. Having a professional third party may help this process for couples.

Basic Guidelines

Here is a very condensed summary of what to do to develop a life vision which you can use for reference when you create your life vision. I will write a walk through after this list for more examples of what to think about and for you to follow along with.

Go someplace comfortable, quiet, and alone with something to write with
Spend 3-5 minutes meditating and clearing your mind, getting in touch with yourself
Imagine your perfect day from the instant you wake up till you fall asleep, in as much detail as possible.
Keep it realistic, but also remember that there are people out there who are building and designing rockets, or are multi millionaires, or own their own private islands, and someone has to figure out how to make humanity interplanetary…why not you?
Imagine your dream relationships with parents, friends, your husband or wife etc…
How much money are you making every year?
What does “work” look like for you? Hint: if it doesn’t excite you, it doesn’t belong in your life vision
Where are you living?
How do you feel, physically, mentally, emotionally?
What do you do for fun in your spare time?

Create Your Life Vision

As I said before, these are some guidelines for what to think about when you create your life vision. Next, I’m going write out an example of someone creating a Life Vision, that you can follow along with. Do not judge the “what”, just write it down and research the “how” later. So, after meditating:

Morning

You wake up, and open your eyes. Are you turning off an alarm, waking up naturally, or something else? Are you next to someone in bed, or are you by yourself? What time is it when you wake up? How do you feel, physically, mentally, emotionally? What does your bedroom look like? How is the lighting? What can you see out your bedroom windows, what color are the walls, how high is the ceiling etc…? What is the first thing you do when you wake up? Make coffee, pray, read, write, meditate, work out, have sex, or something else? What do you wear, if anything, when you get out of bed?

When you walk out of your bedroom, what do you see? What does your house look like? How big is it, color scheme, furnishings, lighting etc… Imagine every room in your house this way and write it out. How many bedrooms, bathrooms, studies, secret rooms etc… does it have a basement, an attic? Do you have kids? How many? Do you eat breakfast? What do you eat if so? What do you drink? Are you eating with someone? What does your dishware look like? How do you clean up breakfast? By hand, dishwasher, have you hired someone to cook and clean etc…? What do you do after breakfast, or in place of breakfast, if you don’t eat breakfast?

Mid Day

When does “work” start, whatever that means for you? What are you doing? Where are you doing it? Who are you doing it with? Why are you doing it? What is your afternoon like? The weather? Lunch? Where are you eating? What are you eating? Who are you eating with? What else do you do with your afternoon if it isn’t all work? After work, are you already home or are you coming home? What are you driving?

Evening

What time is it when you’re coming home? You’re approaching your house, what do you see? A lot? A farm? Acreage? Neighbors nearby, or no one near by? Where is your house in relation to the town or city you live in or near? Are you coming home to someone? If so, who? How do you feel as you walk in your home at the end of the day, or if you have been home all day, how do you feel at the end of work? Physically, mentally, emotionally? When, what, where and who with is dinner? Are you going out for dinner? Making it? Having it made for you at home?

Night

After dinner, what happens? How do you spend your evening and with who? Staying in? Going out? After your evening time, you’re getting ready for bed? What time is it? What is your bedtime routine? You get into bed, what kind of bed is it? How big is it etc… Are you going to bed with someone? Do you do anything in bed before sleep? Reading, journaling, sex, recapping the day? Right before you close your eyes, how do you feel? Physically, mentally, emotionally? Then sleep. All night? Dreams?

Refine and Plan

Now that you’ve done that, go back over what you’ve written, refine it and make any changes you want. Now, start figuring out what kinds of things need to happen for you to make this vision a reality!

For a little extra reading, this is a good article giving some more perspective on Life Visions, why they’re important, and another take on how to create one. Enjoy!

Aaaaand ACTION!

Now you know exactly where you want to be! So now you can plan your route accordingly, and make choices in your daily life that are going to get you there, and learn to simply say “no” to the things that are going to take you in a different direction. And remember, the journey is part of the fun, so don’t get bogged down thinking about how far you have to go, or how much work its going to take. Think about how much you are going to learn and change as you go. Good luck, and Godspeed!

Tag Archives: life vision

Stress: A Second Look at Public Enemy Number One